Candid, touching, unusual and incredibly useful article by psychologist Olesia Garanina (here's her Facebook). Must read for all who doubt (that is all). To the end, please! — approx. Natalia Zhilyakova
To be a loser, or How I learned to draw
(and where is the gloss)
First, a little story about the painting. And then, of course, about the gloss.
I can not draw. Well, that is all. Round, square and even a house with a pipe, but the dog and the cat is already something of a schematic. When my younger sister was studying in the class fifth and sixth, I was in the tenth eleventh, I was doing my homework on drawing. And received five. It turns out that my level is now the fifth-sixth grade.
Now I live in Tallinn and study in art school. To learn 3.5 years. Seriously 3 times a week, in the program of study: painting, drawing, art history, chromatics, batik, ceramics, photography, computer graphics, plein air and something seems even. In addition, twice a quarter of the views the imposition of assessments.
And I started my journey in drawing that perfect last winter I accidentally got on a course of academic drawing (drawing pencil) to a different art school and studied there for 3 months. Classes were once a week, only pencil, no views, no ratings, and the atmosphere was more relaxed and peaceful than serious training.
And at some point, when we were working on the "portrait" of pumpkins, I realized that I can't draw these folds from the fabric. Well, actually I can't. Can't even imagine. The teacher said: well, you see where the darker, and lighter where draw now.
Like – "so?" I wondered.
I did not know how and where to begin laying the light and the shadow. I sat and looked at the sheet and suffered. I think it's called fear of the white sheet.
Then the first time learning, I cried. The feeling that I can't, I don't get that I don't knowhow to do it! And then when I came home, I realized one very important thing: before you learn something, you need to go through this feeling, through the stage when you can't do nothing.
And it does not matter whether you're learning to write articles or to drive a car, bake bread or to speak a foreign language. At first everything is easy – because there's a great, burning interest, the classes will be held on the adrenaline. Nothing is yet clear, but like everything!
Then comes the routine. Do you go somewhere, learn something, spend your energy, time, money, sacrifice something, and the result – no! It is not there!
It is here that you enter the stage, which I call "I am a loser." Well, or "I can't". As you like. The harder it is to survive this stage, the more successful you are in some other field, where you steep and equal you are almost there. And then some drawing, some kind of pumpkin! You have to literally feel like a kid and start from scratch.
But just here, in this very place, is the most important – or you go further through this feeling of failure, or do you stop and not move forward.
I remember going home that day, the snow-covered old town and thought. To stay and feel inept, while having a very real chance to learn something, or keep your soul from such experiences, not to touch this feeling, but to deprive yourself of the opportunity to acquire new skills?
I left. Moreover, as you have already read in the beginning of the article, I moved to another school, where more subjects, i.e., more opportunities to feel "not very smart". I understand the feelings of many people who refuse to even try. Because being losers it hurts. This is indeed not the feeling with which I would like to face in life.
But, says my new teacher, engaging you every day know more and more. So every day you more skill and professionalism. And one day it will be so much that you say, "Yes, I can", "Yes", "Yes you can".
Now, about the gloss – instead of "drawing", substitute everywhere the word "writing in journals". The meaning does not change. The same difficulties, fears, the same stage "I am loser".
Which do you prefer?
I wish you to stay. Stay in this feeling, not to escape from it. I wish to get out of the comfort zone and go where you do not understand, where it is difficult where you is "no". Stay with the feeling that you are doing something important for yourself to learn what you interested. Want to learn to make it work!
I wish you success.
psychologist, author of books and articles on parent-child topics